Southern Life

Florida, 2013

Memories

These good memories are soon to fade. Forget and move on..I can't, and I don't want to. It seems like yesterday my friends and family from Florida came to visit. We were are one big family. Laughing, smiling, sharing great stuff with each other. And when they left, I felt like a part of my heart left. Then months went by and we slowly disconnected. Everyone went their own ways. Not talking to them hurts more and more.

12:46am

Well, hello to you too mood swings. I'm glad you came back, you know, not like I wanted a relaxing night. Well depressed mood, feel free to leave...cause for some reason tears won't come out. So its kind of pointless having you here. But seriously, why do you have to do this to me? I know I am Bipolar, but for the love of God, I'm still on my antidepressants! So you shouldn't be here. 

Why am I feeling moody and depressed? No clue. I just wanna fucking cry my eyes out. For no reason. I just need to cry real fucking badly. I'm feeling depressed about so much. I feel like I messed up my life in a way. I should have made different choices. 

I think to myself, is it really worth being here? What do I have going for me? Yeah I possibly might have 2 jobs. But I never finished my education..and I kinda wanna do that some place else. I wanna restart things. Now that I think about it, yeah I do have some family and friends here, and my boyfriend, but my heart is in Florida. I miss my other friends and family so fucking much, it hurts. No one seriously understands how I feel. And I'm sure they never will. 

And there is just no point in showing my feelings cause all I'll hear is lies if I did. So I hide them. 

And when everyone is asleep....

I cry myself to sleep..