Depression

So how can I begin by explain how this feels? I don't even feel sad. I feel numb. As so many emotions running through me, thousands of thoughts going through my head, millions of memories catching up to me...realizing that life will never be the same again. No one knows what it feels like. I keep telling myself to stay strong. People tell me that I'll get through it. Nobody knows how much a smile can hide. Cause nobody knows my true feelings and what goes through my mind. I maybe laughing and smiling throughout the day. But when night falls and the lights turn off tears run down my face. I'm not who I used to be. I sure have changed. I think back, look through my journal and realize how happy I was. Now I'm nothing but a wreck. Everyone thinks its nothing big. I know they think that. I'm the one to hide my feelings, cause I don't want sympathy. I can't talk to anyone about this because I don't know what to say. Its like a tornado of thoughts, feelings, and memories spinning in my head. It won't settle down. Therefore, I don't have anything to say. But you look back on life and ask yourself "where did I go wrong?" Do you have the answer to that?...I don't. I always went by the saying "time heals pain." But days go by and its getting worse. I'm getting worse. And knowing that memories are dead. They won't come back no matter how hard you try. And the worse thing is, you have to let it go and move on....but I feel that's impossible.